How to Detect and Prevent Dating Violence
By Meghan Vivo
The world has watched in horror as allegations of assault, followed by gruesome photos, have been released in the alleged dating violence case of famous pop star couple Rihanna, 21, and Chris Brown, 19. What’s more horrifying is that the overwhelming reaction from some teens across the country has been one of acceptance, and in some cases, approval.
Teen Dating Violence Hits Hollywood
According to a Los Angeles police report, on Feb. 8, 2009, R&B singer Chris Brown allegedly threatened to kill, and then punched, bit, and choked, girlfriend Rihanna until she nearly lost consciousness during a heated argument in the couple’s rented Lamborghini. Rihanna suffered contusions on her face and head, bite marks on her fingers and ear, and bruises on her arms, hands, and legs, which required hospitalization, the detective wrote. When she began screaming for help, Brown left the scene. A bystander in the neighborhood heard Rihanna’s screams for help and called 911.
Although Brown posted $50,000 bail and was released, authorities charged him with two felony counts of assault and making criminal threats. If convicted, Brown could face a sentence ranging from probation to nearly five years in state prison. He is currently awaiting arraignment.
Recent surveys of teens across America show that while a large portion of teens agree that hitting a woman is wrong, a startling number believe violence is sometimes justified. In an informal poll of 200 Boston teens ages 12 to 19, conducted by the Boston Public Health Commission, nearly half said pop star Rihanna was responsible for the beating. More than half (52%) said both Brown and Rihanna were equally responsible for the assault.
“There was a girl at school this week with a scratch on her eye,” a student at Sullivan High School in Chicago told Chicago Tribune writers Megan Twohey and Bonnie Miller Rubin for a Feb. 20, 2009 article. “She was talking openly about her boyfriend hitting her, but she was smiling and saying it was funny.”
Experts warn that young people carry these attitudes into adulthood, and young targets of dating violence are more likely to find themselves in abusive relationships later in life. For this reason, experts hope that teachers, parents, and other authority figures use the Brown-Rihanna story to talk to teens about dating violence. Because music idols Rihanna and Brown are similar in age to their young fans, and are adored by thousands of teenagers around the world, their story may have a real impact on the way teens view dating violence.
Experts warn that young people carry these attitudes into adulthood, and young targets of dating violence are more likely to find themselves in abusive relationships later in life. For this reason, experts hope that teachers, parents, and other authority figures use the Brown-Rihanna story to talk to teens about dating violence. Because music idols Rihanna and Brown are similar in age to their young fans, and are adored by thousands of teenagers around the world, their story may have a real impact on the way teens view dating violence.
As with most topics, education and prevention initiatives offer the best hope for putting an end to dating violence, particularly among teens and preteens.“We know that education is absolutely crucial to breaking the cycle of abuse and strengthening healthy relationships,” Candice Hopkins, director of loveisrespect.org, the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline, told the Tribune.
In an effort to use the Rihanna-Brown incident as a “teachable moment,” Oprah Winfrey devoted the March 12, 2009 episode of her television show to the topic of dating violence. Her message was clear: “Love doesn’t hurt. And if a man hits you once, he will hit you again.”
A Serious Concern for Our Teens
Dating violence can be emotionally and physically devastating, and has lasting implications, especially for teens. According to research by Teenage Research Unlimited, one in three teens reports knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, or physically hurt by their dating partner. Statistically, these patterns of behavior start early and routinely carry through into adult relationships. As many as 98 percent of teen girls who have been abused continue to date the abuser.
Many adults don’t realize that abuse is prevalent among teens. Research shows that one in 10 teenagers has suffered abuse in a romantic relationship and females ages 16 to 24 experience the highest rates of any age group – almost triple the national average. Dating violence among adolescents has long been associated with an increased risk of substance use, unhealthy weight control behaviors, risky sexual behaviors, pregnancy, and suicide. Victims of sexual assault experience more anxiety, depression, and thoughts of suicide than non-victims.
How Parents Can Help
Not all teenagers innately know what an abusive or unhealthy relationship looks like. How should you respond in a disagreement? What are the red flags that point to violence? If the abuse happens only on rare occasions, or if he always apologizes, is the relationship healthy? Here are a few warning signs you should discuss with your child:
- Excessive text messaging or calling
- Monitoring calls and e-mails
- Frequently showing up unannounced
- Telling the other person what to do and wear, or publicly embarrassing him/her
- Frequent accusations of "cheating" or flirting, or preventing the other from doing things they enjoy
- Threats of suicide or self-injury in the event of a breakup
Research shows very few teens are willing to discuss the topic of dating violence with their parents, particularly if they have experienced dating violence firsthand. In some relationships, dating violence is characterized by emotional and verbal abuse, while in others, the abuse becomes physical. If you suspect your daughter is in an abusive relationship, be alert to these classic signs adapted from the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center website:
- She apologizes for his behavior, makes excuses for him, or seems afraid of him.
- She loses interest in people or activities she used to enjoy.
- Her appearance, behavior, mood, or personality suddenly change (i.e., she becomes anxious, depressed, secretive, isolated, or acts out).
- She recently started using drugs or alcohol.
- You notice he calls her names or puts her down in front of other people.
- He seems controlling, jealous, and possessive, checking up on her constantly or calling and texting her excessively.
- She has unexplained bruises, scratches, or injuries, offers explanations that don’t make sense, or laughs them off.
- He loses his temper easily, striking or breaking objects or otherwise acting violently, or insults and criticizes her.
If you are concerned that your son may be abusing his dating partner, keep an eye out for the following signs described by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:
- Use of threats or violence to solve problems
- Alcohol or drug use
- Inability to manage anger or frustration
- Poor social skills
- Association with violent friends
- Problems at school
- Lack of parental supervision, support, or discipline
- Witnessing abuse at home
All of the above are signs of a problem that requires immediate intervention. Some of these may be hard to recognize, especially if your child spends a great deal of time text messaging and using online networking sites, which are a popular tool for stalking and harassment. If you need help speaking with your child or intervening in an abusive situation, seek the assistance of a therapist, guidance counselor, or health care professional. In many cases, a wilderness program or therapeutic boarding school may be the safest and most effective way to address the underlying emotional or behavioral issues.
As your family gathers around the television each night, listening intently as the details continue to unravel in the case of Rihanna and Chris Brown, don’t sit idly by – use these stories and these moments as an opportunity to discuss the dangers of dating violence and the supreme importance of finding a partner who treats them with love and respect.
