Getting Your Runaway Teen to Come Home
By Staff Writer
When a teen runs away from home, the entire family is shaken with worry and frustration. Approximately 2 million teens between the ages of 13 and 17 run away from home each year, leaving millions of parents wondering how to get their child to come back home.
Why Do Teens Run Away?
Teens run away from home for a variety of reasons, but usually some sort of family conflict is involved. Common reasons include the following:
- Heated argument with parents
- Trouble in school
- Feelings of not belonging or not being good enough
- Physical or sexual abuse
- Fighting or violence between parents
- Pregnancy
- Lured by online predators
- Sexual orientation
- Alcohol and drug use (by parents or teens)
- Gang activity
- Loss of a parent due to divorce or death
- Moving to a new area or school
- Peer pressure
The root of the problem may also be a behavioral disorder, such as Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) or conduct disorder, or other mental health issues such as anxiety or depression.
Whatever the reason for leaving home, runaways face serious risks to their mental, physical and emotional health. Some of these risks include malnutrition, psychological disorders, sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies, drug and alcohol abuse, robbery, sexual abuse and physical assault, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.
Most Runaways Come Home
No matter how angry, frustrated or worried you are, your first priority is getting your teen to come home. What brings most runaways home is simple: their family.
A recent UCLA study found that most runaway teens return home soon after they leave. According to researchers, the main factors that influence teens to return home are:
- Maintaining relationships with mainstream peers (who haven’t run away from home)
- Staying in school
- The support of parents (especially a teen's mother)
Additionally, the researchers discovered that a family intervention (even a brief one) as early as possible can improve the chances that a runaway will resolve any family conflict, go home and stay home.
Other steps parents can take to safely return their teen home include the following:
- Try to figure out where your child may have gone by reviewing phone records, email accounts, social networking websites and other resources. Contact your teen’s friends, friends’ parents, relatives or others who you think your teen might stay in contact with. Let them know you’re worried and want your child to come home.
- If you’re unsure of your teen’s safety, contact the local police and go look for your child (keeping your cell phone with you).
- Ask your teen to meet with you and try to make the time enjoyable for both of you.
- Show your willingness to make changes to improve the situation. Research family therapists and therapeutic programs for teens, and talk to your teen about which approach would work best for your family.
- Welcome your teen’s return with an open door and open arms, even if there are issues that need to be addressed and resolved.
- Acknowledge your teen’s frustration and try to sympathize with what they’re going through. Practice active listening, not lecturing, when you share your feelings and ask your teen about theirs.
- Give your teen choices so that they can begin to understand the consequences of their actions without feeling controlled or overprotected.
- Praise the positive choices, behaviors and characteristics you admire in your teen and repeatedly remind your teen that you love them no matter what.
Getting Help for a Teen Runaway
Once you get your teen safely home, take steps to make sure you don’t end up in this situation again. Specialized residential treatment centers for teens can help families in crisis reconnect, rebuild their relationships and open the lines of communication at home.
Don’t be ashamed to admit that you need help raising your teenager. When a child’s safety is in jeopardy, a loving parent does anything and everything within their power to make it better.
