From As to Cs to... Why Are My Teen’s Grades Dropping?

Part One: What’s Really Going On? Exploring Common Impacts on Teen’s Lives

You are sifting through the mail one morning, and with a blend of trepidation and hope, open your teen’s report card - and with a shock, note that the news is not good: his or her grades are dropping fast. Many parents experience such a shock and are unsure why it happened and what to do. Parents and teens often lead very busy yet extraordinarily different lives. But learning to observe factors you may not have been watching for previously, you can develop an ongoing conversation within your family and community - leading your teen to overcome current challenges, commit to better grades, and then achieve them. If you believe your teen is underachieving, learn how to Motivate the Underachiever >>

Considering the way teens see themselves and their grades, consciously and subconsciously, is the strongest tool for diagnosing and treating their academic ailments. Teens absorb ideas from what influences them most. Over time these ideas develop into stories they tell themselves over and over about their own lives, until they become the wall paper of their reality. The core of stories that make up a person’s individual belief system and understanding of the world forms his or her self narrative. With time and careful effort you can come to perceive your teen’s self narrative in detail, and support them in sculpting it for success. Every family situation is different. Exploring a variety of common impacts on young people’s lives and grades should help clarify what is really making a teen’s grades slip.

Hope Not Fear: Starting a Lasting Conversation
A community where people listen to one another and grow to see and feel the way their friends and family make their way in the world is a broad and deep foundation for family members to believe in each other. When teens sense their parent’s hopes for them come from a shared community of empowerment, not just annoying over-parenting, they are poised to find and remember the experiences in their lives that can make them trust that they can face up to what is not easy for them each day. Conversely, if parents are harsh with their teens about deteriorating grades it drives a wedge in this essential partnership, pushing teens to be bitter and withdrawn rather than forward-looking and open-minded. When parents are confronted with their teen’s falling grades it is natural to feel frustrated. However, if they permit themselves to take that frustration out on teens by getting angry, or perpetually lecturing or badgering them, they are sowing the seeds for more troubled report cards in the future.

Traditionally many parents go through their children’s report cards with them class by class. Yet if your teen’s grades are sinking across the board, then the answers for one class can be very similar to the next. Asking them the same questions over and over often comes across as browbeating rather than supportive listening. A more productive way to acknowledge the report card and initiate a lasting conversation might be to ask “Did you see your report card?” Then parents can listen to see how their teens approach the issue, before crafting their own approach. Following up with phrases such as, “I’m going to take time to listen to how you feel about what is going on, so we can figure out together what might help you get your grades back up to where they were before,” can start a more productive conversation.

Creating a Can-Do Consensus about Grades
Many factors influence what teens believe about themselves and their lives. Exploring what commonly forms a teen’s self narrative in relation to academics will help parents realize the positive influences they can use to bolster their efforts. If a teen does not think they are prepared to get good grades, even if they are, As are not likely to be forthcoming. Equally important, if teens are perfectly capable of getting good grades—yet simply less interested in going through with it, then parents will need to assess why their teen has come to value school less. Cases of dropping grades are frequently an amalgamation of these two problems, yet it is critical to distinguish between them because their solutions are often separate.

The first, and potentially the most powerful, influence on a teen’s academic self narrative is their family’s attitudes and achievements related to education. It is not only whether a teen’s parents went to college and what degrees they earned, but also how this affects the family’s life, and how parents and relatives talk about the issue, that shape how confident young people feel about school and how interested they are. This is not to say that constantly regaling teens with stories of academic success will get them back on the right track - that is likely to strike them as a heavy handed way of pressuring them. A better approach might be to ask, “What do you think is good about the way our family looks at school?” Then you can look for common ground to build on, while listening for parts of your family’s approach that they do not feel have been as helpful.

A myriad of other influences shape the stories teens tell themselves about their academic life, from their friends and peer group to the messages they get from the media. For example, gender stereotypes proliferate through sexism in the media, and even in school culture. So if a young woman’s grades are slipping, one might ask whether she sees enough women role models successful and inspiring careers in her life, and whether the music she is listening to is respectful and empowering towards women? Listening for and dissecting the factors that define the way teens think about school, in a gentle rather than prying tone, shows parents the kind of influences teens may be lacking. Once adults have identified the missing positive influences, it is easier to seek ways to supply those influences and thus find ways to support teens indirectly yet powerfully.

It is vital that parents don’t let teens get away with blaming it all on the school. All schools have problems; it is crucial to discuss them and seek whatever solutions you can. However, teens must be held accountable for their own choices, fostering an attitude of personal responsibility.

Making a Strong Connection to a Healthy School
Parents do not need to struggle for their teen’s scholastic success alone. After hearing their student’s side of the story, parents are obliged to seek out the teachers’ perspectives. If parent-teacher conferences are not already scheduled, then make it happen. An accurate and detailed picture of a teen’s behavior at school is crucial to understanding what the root causes of the problems are. Have the student been, for example, falling asleep in class? Or was he or she just feeling unchallenged by the class, and became bored and then disengaged? A teacher should be able to tell parents if their students are interested in the subject matter. Knowing which classes teens are staying actively involved in can help parents figure out what part of the problem may be apathy and boredom and what part may be an issue of lack of aptitude or skills.

It is also critical to get a full picture of how a school is serving its students. Observing the school during classes to see if the quality of teaching and class size is meshing with a teen’s learning style can show parents things their teens would not think to tell them. For example, if your teen is primarily an audio learner, copying notes off the blackboard will be far less instructive then listening to a talented lecturer. Asking educators if they feel a teen may have an undiagnosed learning disability, or is not receiving adequate support for any existing conditions, can be illuminating. It is common for new conditions to be diagnosed when a teen starts high school or switches to a new and more challenging school. Gifted educators can see when a student is going through the added difficulty of being forced to develop new coping mechanisms in a new place.

What Teens Do Not Want to Talk About: Tackling the Rough Issues
Drugs, alcohol, depression, family and relationship stress, or even the difficulty of coming out for gay youth, can all single-handedly destroy good grades. Young people are not likely to volunteer information on such issues, yet it is essential that parents become aware of them so they can support their children in solving whatever problems are holding them back. Unannounced visits to a teen’s school may help adults pick up on how teens act differently around their friends in ways that could indicate such problems. Talking to the school counselor and administrators can also help parents put two and two together, through discussing behaviors and symptoms with other people responsible for their teens’ well-being. Broaching the issue with a teen’s friend’s parents may sound embarrassing; however, they too may have vital information. If a friend’s grades are slipping too, maybe he or she is getting in trouble for similar reasons. Either way, once the family commits to a plan, other parents can play a supportive role, not letting teens get away from their responsibilities by going to friends’ houses.

Seeking a doctor or psychologist’s opinion is a prudent next move. Medical professionals can help shed light on common teen health concerns relating to academics. For example, the National Sleep Federation's 2006 Sleep in America poll reported that “Adolescents who get insufficient amounts of sleep are more likely than their peers to get lower grades, while 80 percent of adolescents who get an optimal amount of sleep say they're achieving As and Bs in school.” A classic sign of a sleep-deprived education is for a student’s grades to be worst for their earliest classes.

A psychologist can aid your whole family in understanding how its own dynamics could be healthier, and identify and treat depression. Finding out if your teen is being bullied at school can help determine whether he or she feels at ease enough at school to focus on learning, rather than on self-protective behavior strategies that can lead to poor school performance. Bullying is a serious issue that warrants prompt attention, as is ostracism or a lack of peer interaction. Furthermore, doctors are good allies for spotting and treating alcohol and drug use. If drugs and alcohol are a regular part of your teen’s peer experiences, swift and decisive intervention may be necessary; other articles deal specifically with these issues in greater depth.

Discussing and diagnosing what a teen’s individual challenges are is essential to committing to a new way forward. Assessing and fostering fresh experiences that strengthen and direct a teen’s self narrative toward achievement helps him or her feel part of an empowering community of hope. Unfortunately, if parents give in to frustration, their teens surely will, too. Letting doubts about a teen’s school or health linger makes the teen uncertain how to move on. Listen for the open-hearted conversations that can help teens be optimistic about a family partnership for change, then build consensus on plans to help them be a strong student again. And if these conversations are eluding your family, ask for help. What is it worth to you to see your teen open a new window on life?

Read Part Two: Putting Your Plans into Action, Making Good Grades an Everyday Reality