Adopted Teens

The teenage years are a hard time for most of us. When you're adopted, this critical time can be even tougher. Normally, this is a time spent trying to find out who you are. Not knowing your birth parents may make this process even more difficult.

Adoption adds to the complexity of being a parent, especially when your child becomes a teenager. It is extremely important during this time that your teen is validated on a number of levels: identity formation, fear of rejection and abandonment, issues of control and autonomy, and a feeling of not belonging. It is normal for teens to have a heightened interest in their past at this age, especially if they were adopted at or close to birth.

As a parent, it is necessary to nurture and support your child as they explore this delicate time in their lives. It is especially important to address the needs of adopted teens. Allow them to participate in various activities to help with identity formation, and let them know that you are always here for them so that they don't ever feel abandoned. Make sure to enforce rules that foster respect of authority and also self-dependence for a smooth transition into adulthood.

If your teenager does want to look for his or her birth parents, it is important that you support this as well. Every situation is different, but especially for teens of different racial backgrounds, the need to identify with someone of their own culture can become overwhelming. If you or other family members have difficulty expressing how you feel or adapting to the circumstances, educational programs and/or counseling can help open the doors to healthy communication.

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